About

My husband, Larry, died.  We were married for 35 years.  We were business partners, parents, grandparents, great grandparents, travelers, companions, confidants, lovers and soul mates.   Now what do I do?

I wanted a forum to both share our story as well as support others who have lost a loved one.  This is a profoundly personal journey.  Each person reacts in a unique way and travels their own singular path through grief.

One of the things I miss most are our conversations.  Who else can I share my most intimate thoughts with without judgement?  Who else supports me without question?  Who protects me now?  I decided that I would not give up on our conversations and that I still need to share my thoughts, so now I write him letters.

Read our story and tell me yours.  We can support each other to attempt to discover:

You are gone.  Now what do I do?

67 Comments

  1. I think it’s very important for you to know that you are never alone. That you should never feel uninvited to be a part of my family. That no matter what time day or night, that I am only a phone call away.

  2. AH Priscilla, tho we only met the one time I am ever so thankful we did. Having Voss as a roomie in college was an interesting two years. I regret having lost track of him for so long. Tho I did not realize that weekend would be the last time I’d see him, it will be forever remembered.
    I lost my wife, my heart and soul mate two and a half years ago. Every day has been a struggle. She long said she wanted to go first since she could not imagine being without me. I know well the heartbreak she wished to avoid and am grateful she was spared this pain.
    This past December would have been our 40th anniversary. Next month would be her 70th birthday. Death is the state where one only exists in the memory of others. I hope when my time comes my existence is as sweet as her memories have been to all who knew her.
    This writing is difficult as I’ve never been one to show emotions. That is a Lowe trait but since Barbaras death the emotional dam has burst and there is no end to the flood.
    As you stated there is no expiration date on grief. Time doesn’t lessen the pain, one learns to manage it and cope.

  3. I love you too Priscilla! You are welcome to come, be with me, and do what you do and be where you are, at anytime! No judgment! Please don’t think that I know what you are going through, I make no attempts to portray that, but I can listen!
    Love that you are sharing yourself with me!
    Hugs,
    Pat

  4. Cilla, all my life, I couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to lose dad. I know he is no longer with us (He was far too good for this earth and for sure is with God). But I invoke his memory in much that I do daily. I hear his voice, see his expressions and confidence. He is unchanged. That is how he remains with me at all times and any time I need for the rest of my life. Strange comparison but It certainly is no different for you and Larry. That’s the nature of you two and the rare one-ness you shared and will continue to share. I love you. Keep the faith.

  5. This is beautiful, Priscilla. I remember writing my Greg volumes of “letters” in journals for a very long time after he died. That was before blogging was a thing. It helped so much during the time when the only person I wanted to talk to was the only one not there. It made me feel close to him in the best way I could find. I look forward to reading your entries. Much love to you on your journey.

  6. As you already know, you are loved by many people! Us included! I’ll never forget the times I spent with Larry, truly a fine man and a gentleman!! I know it’s painful but faith and friends get you through!! Hope to see you before to long, either there or here, you’re always welcome!
    Love ya!
    E.L. & Karen

  7. You & Larry shared a love, a life & a marriage that few people know about much less experience. Such a rare gift.

    You two built & shared so many memories with your travels & other life events. The void LARRY left in your life is because he is so loved by you & because he loves you too… even protecting you now.

  8. He IS that kind of man even in death. Larry is so kind-hearted, unselfish & always looking for ways to build up/encourage others to be all what God created them to be! Not looking out for himself; you were his world P!!!!

    At his passing, there was not 1 dry eye at the funeral. Everyone who spoke at the podium or just amongst a few that attended that day said Larry was so admired, had such a special friendship like ONLY Larry could cultivate with people from so many walks of life!! He would not take credit for changing the trajectory of so many lives, but that’s exactly what he did with what seemed like (to me) with such ease & grace & of course for the betterment of their lives. He blew my mind doing this….

    Larry has left many voids in several lives, but that IS proof that he continues to lives on in our hearts & lives. Biggest void is in our heart P!

    Even though it’s painful with his absence, He encouraged me like a dad at times, like a friend at other times & like a boss when needed. I take some comfort in the HONOR to have known him & the amazing impact he still makes in my life.

    It was an honor to have known him & experience who Larry Voss really IS!!!!!
    Love you always L. D.

    1. He loved and admired you. I appreciate your support during his illness and since his death. I could not have survived this without it. P

  9. Priscilla, Lyn and I are always here for you… ALWAYS. The thing I loved most about Larry was the good natured banter back and forth about the Army and the Air Force. I remember, on one of our trips to Breezes (née Grand Lido) Negril, Larry gave me a challenge coin. I will forever cherish that gift.

    1. I think that his military years were the most fulfilling in his mind. He was good at it! He also admired those who spent their careers serving. One of my future letters to him addresses this specifically. Thank you for your kind words of support. Love you you both. P

  10. I was fortunate to have served with Larry and the General, you spoke of, in the 1st Battalion 509th Infantry ABN/MECH, in the early 70s. We were the only Airborne and Mechanized Infantry in the Army.
    I visited the General at the Pentagon, in the mid 80s, and like you said in your post; the General said that some of his fondest memories and Military friends came during the time we spent in the 509th. It is a special bond.
    I was lucky to know both Larry and the General. and to have kept our bond through all these years. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything!

    1. The General passed away the week before Larry died and he was tormented by not being able to say goodbye and thank The General for being his life shifting mentor.

      Thank you for your unwavering support.
      P

      1. So many beautiful expressions of love and empathy are being shared with you. You are not alone-just not with your chosen best friend. Can you imagine passing through life without ever having a soulmate? Those who do that must be the lonliest on earth. Love you😘

  11. Mr. Larry was a very interesting, unique individual. He called things out exactly as he saw it. He challenged us to think outside the box. Also, to study the enemy so we know what to expect. Oh, how I miss him popping into the office and giving us a brief history lesson. He was a walking encyclopedia with a wealth of knowledge and experience. I often say, Mr. Larry missed his calling. He would have made a great counselor and indeed he counselled many. He touched so many lives throughout his life from the lifelong friendships to his bond with his beautiful wife. He was full of love and always pushing for others to succeed. I am so happy that he called me to be part of his team. It was definitely divine intervention. Thank you, Mrs. Priscilla for sharing your beautiful memories of Mr. Larry. I know it doesn’t heal the pain but it helps that his memory is forever infused in our hearts. Love ya.

    1. He did council. He just did it quietly and with no fanfare, but all I have to do is look around at my life and I see the results of his wise advice and mentoring. He left a huge mark on those who opened their hearts to it. The ones who did not missed a huge opportunity. Love you, Vic. P

  12. Keep writing your letters. They provide a place to help you heal. We are all on this journey of Grief that we didn’t choose to be on. Walking this path has made me stronger. At first I didn’t believe that I would ever be strong again. After walking forward for a time then walking backward I wasn’t sure I would ever get through this process of healing. I believe I am closer now than I have ever been. It doesn’t mean I am over the pain and loss. However it is my new normal. Be kind to yourself, pray for strength, and hope. God will fill those empty places with His love and strength. Many He richly Bless your Journey. May He bring you through the darkness into the Light.

  13. I was with my soulmate for 10 years. He passed away on 27th may 2018 he was estranged from his family so I was his family my daughter and I . everyone knew we were joined at the hip! I miss everything about him our long talks, our laughs, cuddling watching TV. I miss everything I keep getting from people oh you are only 44 you can start again. I don’t want to start again! One because I just don’t want to and even if I did I’d just compare them to Stephen. I don’t know how I cope but each day I seem to. I just became a grandma on 20th December so that is keeping me going. I miss him so much!!

  14. I have found a platform that works well for me. I need to talk about my hubby and to him. I need to hear and see his name. I need to get the feeling that he sees, reads and knows what i am going through. I also need to go back in time whenever i wish to see what i have written eg 1 year ago..or 2 days ago. Therefore i have been posting my real feelings on my FB wall where i can read it over and over again. In the clouds..sent to the clouds. If i wake up at 2am i can post my total confusion and frustration with this grieving process. I can be mad as hell or just pathetic and sad. However i post it to be vissible to ONLY ME. For my own record and sanity. I journal on my own wall… It feels like the whole world can see my love for him and i don’t pretend to be okay.. Sometimes i get anxious that i will forget him or this heartache after losing him to death! There I say exactly how and what i feel without any fear to be criticised or judged. This way i somehow get peace of mind because no one cares to still read about my sadness after 28 months. Maybe one day after i leave this world the kids will read my FB page and know how alone and lost i am. No one really has a clue. To them i seem to be coping fine. Sad but true. Blessings to all of you.

  15. My husband of 27 years died by suicide 10/7/18. No warning signs at all. Snapped after his 3rd layoff at his company. I so understand your grief. I am lost. Good of you to write about it. Thank you.

  16. My husband, my love, was taken by cancer. He beat it twice but the third time it won the war..staying with him every minute was tough but I’d do it all again..forever! Married 47 yrs. he was my knight..my love, my everything..I’m trying but it’s so very hard. Thank you for your “larryandme”.

  17. Your writing is profoundly beautiful even in the depths of your sadness and utter misery. I can hear you, and him, in your writings. I think this is a fabulous work you are doing. I am wondering how many others are helped by your ‘diary’? Loving you from far away, L

    1. Thank you, my dear friend. I want to share much more because he was that important to me and to so many others. You and C know what a unique person he was. I knw you both loved him. I need to come and visit you very soon because I miss you both!

  18. I read most of these post. It’s nice to hear that my feelings are shared. Sometimes a perso forgets there are others in a very similar situation. My wife and I were brought together 37 yrs ago this past February, on a blind date. A friend of mine and his girlfriend at the time, who happened to be a friend of my wife’s from high school, decided to match make. The evening of our date was spent with our two friends. Although her and I, had never met the evening for us was mostly a social thing. We had dinner, cards, games and VHS movies. The four of us didn’t have the money to go out on the town. As we kept playing games, watching movies, & keeping small talk, her and I got cozier & cozier and by the end of the evening we were shoulder to shoulder, hand in hand, & we knew after that first kiss, we were meant to be. As weeks, & months went by we faced adversity & opposal from other friends & both our families. We were told we’d never make it and we were too young. She was 16, & I was 19. But later as the months turned to years, everyone could see they were wrong in their assumptions. We planned to spend whole lives together, but instead, I was blessed she spent the rest of her life with me.😥 I miss her every minute of every day, but one day we’ll be together for Eternity. God bless you all, and thanks for opening this group.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story. It is an unwanted journey that none of us wanted to walk. All we can do is support one another because the ones who have been blessed enough not to be in our situation have no idea what we go through just to put our feet on the ground after climbing out of our empty bed. Keep reading and sharing as we take this very lonely path.

  19. I lost my husband on 2/13/2019 and this is a question I ask myself what fo i do now I feel so tired from being strong but I have so many more years ahead of me I keep taking it day by day and I recognize my limits he was 44 and I am 41 we were together 24 years over half my life, I continue to ask myself what do I do now and I will ask myself that for a long time to come

    1. It is difficult to create a new life when you were so happy with your old one. We are walking the path together. Thanks for taking the time to allow me to share our lives with you.

    2. If you’ve not yet done so, check out your local Hospice for resources and expert help. No matter if hospice was not used before. Check out their monthly meetings to start, and check into their 8 or 9 weekly meeting support groups. I’d be rolled into a ball and under a bed were it not for hospice. They even gave me recommendations for local private counseling, which I also use. If no hospice nearby, check at local hospitals and funeral homes for bereavement services in your area. Don’t go through this alone and without expert assistance. Check here for info, press Grief to get started. Good luck.
      https://hospicefoundation.org/

  20. It’s sad but also lovely to read other people’s stories and the journey thetvwe are all on. I’m 44 I lost my partner on 27th of may 2018. I miss him so much .I am so glad for the 10 years I spent with my soulmate .I keep getting people saying to me oh you’re young enough to start again! I don’t want to start again! I could never have the same as I had with my babe. Maybe I will feel differently in time but I cscan see it. Even the thought of going dating and getting to know someone etc I just couldn’t do it and I know I would just compare them so it’s not fair .Thanks for sharing it’s good to know we’re not alone xx

  21. Lost my Husband of 42 years after a 3 year battle with cancer on Feb 22, 2019. I found myself praying, “Please God if it is you will take him tonight” as he suffered greatly in the end. Now I am on my own. He was a pack rat, I have really cleaned up and trashed a lot of stuff. Have one file cabinet full of things to go through later. Still have rocks in the yard to get rid of. I am moving and my load will be so much lighter. Had a dream that he came back, I was panicked because of the way I have more of less shut his life down. He has no SS income, he is off all the banking accounts and such. I remember telling him in the dream no you can’t come back – your dead – your life is over and done – go away. My daughter that understands dream meaning told me it is my mixed feelings of moving on and not wanting to let go. I miss him but I like the changes I have made. The house looks clean for a change. Very mixed in my feelings. She is so right. Looking forward to my new start with my kids in my new location, he is going with, but in his Urn and in my heart.

  22. Practically same words I uttered after she was pronounced. She fought a tireless battle for three weeks in the hospital after a doctor’s appointment. I was just so sure that I was gonna bring my wife home. Although I saw many sitting at home waiting for that final call saying that she’s passed away, I was determined. Ain’t nobody dying on my watch. I was praying so hard & had people from both sides of the family (WHO “KNOW” HOW TO PRAY) praying hard as well & I was just so sure that God wouldn’t say no to his most dedicated children. Even when they pulled her off the I.V. medications & disconnected the breathing machine, I thought she was gonna carry on on her own. Then when they pronounced her only minutes later, I arose from my knees, holding her hand, & said to myself, “She’s gone. Now, what do I do? I’m a widower.” I shall never forget; but I can admit that God made the right choice. She was suffering too much & even HE was tired of watching. I DID bring her back home…..but in ashes. God Bless us all.

  23. Hi you are so brave to reach out and share with us. I at 34 finally met a actual man. He was slightly older but very wise and loving, he showed me how a man really treats a woman they love. I lost him unexpectedly February 9th and i still think he will walk back in the door after work or make me my favorite foods he actually taught me a lot about myself that helped me in many ways. I kick myself in the butt now for the petty arguments or complaints about him stealing all the blanket and snoring but now i barely sleep because hes not there to do those things. I only had 2 years with this man but im so grateful i had the 2. Dont get me wrong i have days qhen i am so hurt confused and angry at god for taking him so soon. I just have to think what would dennis want me to do? And being angry isnt one of them, my heart still hurts i still cry when im alone i call any guy friends his name constantly. Im tearing up now so im going to leave it with this dennis I.L.Y.T.D

    1. There is no way to explain to others how the grief encompasses our every thought. It is the price we now pay for being blessed with an intense love and a tender love story. I want to thank you for taking the time to share in our love story and for adding yours. God Bless. P

  24. Hi my name is Cathy, I lost my husband (George) to congestive heart failure at the age of 39 on May18,2016. We were married for just about 20yrs. It’s been a little over 3yrs however it still feels like it just happened. See he was more than a husband, he was my best friend, soulmate, lover and well I could go on an on. I’ve been so lost without him here. He has made me become a much better person just for being in my life. The only reason I’m able to get up everyday, simple I would NOT do anything to disappoint him. I even returned to college to finish my undergrad in Cybersecurity & Networking I’m doing it for him to show I will make it or at least try.
    Thanks for listening.
    I’m so sorry you lost your dear husband as well. I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. I’m here if you wish to talk.

    1. This is such a heart wrenching process that none of us asked for. It is a moment to moment thing and you never know what to expect. All we can do is share compassion and walk through this together. Thank you for sharing our lives. God bless.

    1. Love ya’ll too. You knew Larry well and what a special gift he was but especially how he empowered the women who had the privilege to be around him.

  25. Such a coincidence… the love of my life was a larry! He went to heaven on April 2, 2015 and I can’t begin to explain how painful his loss is … even after 5 years. He was a beautiful person .. tall, dark and handsome but also with the most beautiful heart and soul! He renewed my faith in mankind and taught me how to trust and truly love. Everyone lucky enough to know him …loved him! He always put appreciation and fun into every day and taught me to do the same. That is what has gotten me through the past 5 years… knowing he wanted me and everyone to appreciate this life we’ve been blessed with.

  26. Oh I understand your pain I lost the best thing to ever happen to me December 18, 2018, the day the love of my life took his last breath. My heart broke into a million unfixable pieces that day and almost 3 years later I’m still in the same place and I know I’ll never be better never in my life have I ever been so loved. I’m lost broken but like you people think I’m ok cause I fall apart in private. Hugs to everyone that walks this horrible path.

    1. Wish I could say that I fall apart in private, but I can’t. 3 yr 5 months and I can’t even talk about him or us without tears. God bless us on our difficult journey that none of us asked for.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Share via